Taking things a day at a time

Monday, May 11, 2009

9 months

Today is the 9-month anniversary of Sumner's death.

I started writing a memoir for this writing contest today. And I scratched my original idea and started writing about Sumner instead.

Actually, with all the shit that's been happening lately since I've been home, I've thought a lot about Sumner. I mean, a lot. From the simple fact that I miss him, and that it's still strange to think that I only knew him for a few months of my life. Then I start thinking about how last semester would've been different if he was around. If our gang would've still hung out to play Catch Phrase and if we'd go cheer on Sumner at his lacrosse games.

I also started thinking about what people would be like if I died. That sounds weird, but that's what I think about. I wonder what the reactions would be of people if they heard that I passed away. What would they think? How would they grieve? Would they even grieve? Would people attend my funeral? What kinds of stories and memories would I have left with my classmates and friends? I've thought a lot about this.

When my mom and I would get into a bitch fight and I'd end up crying to myself in my room, there was always one picture I looked at. I would hold the picture of our gang after the Anne of a Thousand Days performance. Me, Amelia, Sumner, Tiffany, Kailey, and Bree. I'd hold it and look at Sumner, with his giant smile, pointing at me in the picture. It'd make me cry even more when I did that.

Fuck. I wish so many things were different. I wish life wasn't this hard. I wish that people weren't taken away from me. I wish that I felt wanted, needed, by the people that I want and need the most.

But right now, I wish Sumner was still here. To sing songs in Cartman's voice and to take late-night drives to Little Ceasar's. I wish he was around to make me laugh and smile.


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