"This the type of song that makes the angels cry"

If you haven't heard it, listen to it. If you haven't seen the video, watch it. It's beautiful.

:)

So if you haven't seen my Facebook status I had a while ago, I FOUND THE PURPLE VOLCOM WALLET!!! And I bought it. Chyeah! Hopefully I'll get it by next week sometime; it's coming all the way from Delaware. Delaware reminds me of that part in Wayne's World, when they have the blue screen behind them with different states (One is Hawai`i!) and they don't know what to say when it comes to Delaware. "Hi...I'm in Delaware (blank stare, shrug, loss of words)." :) Great movie. FULL of amazing quotes.

Buying this wallet is the first step to my reinvention. I haven't been able to print out any of the pictures I had because we don't have any ink, so I gotta wait to go to the library to use the computers there. Hopefully next week I'll get down there. My board is already up in my room though. ...Right next to my Linfield Theatre calendar. :P This month is Crave, specifically a Caleb-only photo. Not so jazzed about this month.

Songs I've been listening to on repeat for the past week playlist:
+"God In Me" - Mary Mary ft. Keke Sheard
+"Garands at Normandie" - The Jakes
+"Black Hand Side" - Queen Latifah
+"Who's Loving You?" - The Jackson 5
+"The Way You Make Me Feel" - Michael Jackson
+"Fire Burning" - Sean Kingston
+"21 Guns" - Green Day
+"Big Poppa" - Biggie Smalls
+"Elaborate Lives" - Aida Original Soundtrack; Adam Pascal and Heather Headley
+"Hey Girl" - Keri Hilson ft. T-Pain
+"They Don't Really Care About Us" - Michael Jackson
+"Beautiful" - Eminem
+"The Special Two" - Missy Higgins
+"Little Toy Gun" - Honeyhoney

Yesterday towards the end of my shift, I was talking with Ka`ena (co-worker). And I was positioned where I was facing out to see all the people pass by. And we were talking shit about our district manager (teehee) when HE walked by. Holy mother.

So the story goes like this: I liked this guy for a total of 4.5 years. All of 8th, 9th, and 10th grade. Junior year I pretty much assumed that we weren't ever gonna be good friends or anything; we ran in different crowds and didn't have any of the same classes since freshman year, so we hadn't talked to each other in years. But then senior year we were in a class together, and all those feelings came back. So 12th grade I liked him again, and for the first semester of college. I honestly thought that I would be over him, because as of now, I haven't seen him since graduation - that's two years ago. Until last night, when he walked by, and I FREAKED out.

He was pretty much the coolest guy in my grade during school. He had all those great qualities: smart, good looking, generous, friendly, athletic, funny, polite, and the list goes on. But what initially hooked me was when he didn't join in with all the other boys in middle school during the "goth" years. A bunch of boys started calling me and my friends "gothic" for no reason, and soon it caught on with more than half our class. But he was the only boy that didn't make fun of me or call me any of those names, not even in a playful joking kind of way that my guy friends did. Plus, he also defended me against one of the asshole boys who was teasing me. I mean, shit, in 8th grade, that's pretty much the way to steal a girls' heart, don't you think? And that's exactly what he did.

Anyways, so fast forward 6 years, and there he was walking by Cookie Corner at around 8:30 PM. When I came back home in December, and I started getting nervous about seeing old classmates at my new college, I often thought about what I would do if I saw him again. We don't go to the same school, but if we were to see each other at the mall or at the movies, I wondered what would we do. How would I react. I have this amazing ability to try and convince myself NOT to have feelings for someone when I blatantly do. So I'd tell myself, "it's not as if you still like him, so if you see him, wave or say hi, as if it was anyone else." But it wouldn't be and it wasn't just anyone else. It was him.

So last night, there was a split second where he was turning his head to look into the store and I thought I would smile or wave to him if and when he did look at me; and yes, he would've looked DIRECTLY at me. But instead, my stomach clenched up and my head dropped so he couldn't see my face. So with that split second, with that reaction of mine, it's kinda obvious that I still like him and I'm embarrassed for him to see me.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

What gets me is that it was 2 years since I saw him last. And yeah, we have talked on Facebook and Myspace a few times since then, just randomly catching up with each other, but the last time I actually had a conversation lasting more than 5 mintues with him was back in 9th grade. How can I still have feelings for someone I really haven't been in contact with for so long? I'm so bizarre.