Taking things a day at a time

Monday, June 15, 2009

I would wear dresses...

...if I was around in the 50's or the 80's. Simply because I'm really into the styles of those decades. Also, if I was about 5 sizes smaller, maybe even 7.



Obviously I really like polka dots.

Plus, I also found this dress. It's neither 50's or 80's styled, I just liked it:

But I'm not really the kind of girl to wear dresses. I don't think I really have been, ever. But that's mostly because I wasn't skinny enough to look non-repulsive in dresses. Also, because of my family. Mika is nowhere near girly and hasn't ever been either. And my mom, well, I'm pretty sure there was a point during her youth that she'd wear dresses. But then she became a hoodlum and wore jeans and slippers all the time. I'm not sure what'd she say if I suddenly started dressing more feminine.

I mean, shit. When I wear my hair down, she always goes, "Don't you get hot with your hair down? You should just put it in a ponytail." And I always think that's her subtle way of saying she doesn't like it when I wear my hair down and it's too girly for her. Or something like that. It sounds pretty silly that I care what my mom thinks of me. But if you knew her, you'd understand.

I just feel like she's criticizing me a lot of the time. Not all the time, but a good chunk of the time. Especially when I'm going out with friends and I decide to wear some makeup or something. And I don't just wanna wear a regular tshirt that I ALWAYS wear, but instead wear a nice top or something.

So, obviously I have self-image issues. Who doesn't, right? But damn, it'd be less frustrating if I wasn't fat. And yeah, I just said it. FAT. Because technically, according to height and weight charts, I am. And although those charts are kinda bogus, what else should I go by? How I feel? If I'm happy with my body and the way I am? Well, I'm not. I haven't been since elementary school. I can't help it if I'm genetically built this way, unfortunately.

My friend Tiana and I are both big, compared to all our other friends in dance. I mean, come on, they're dancers. So we always feel out of place when we're with them. And to be honest, I never really notice or even pay attention to how I look and the way clothes fit on me unless I'm with those dance friends. But Tiana and I are also the only 2 that has never had a boyfriend, or even had someone interested in us, in a way other than being "one of the guys." Or some other bullshit like that. We're what I like to call the "butt monkeys" of our group of friends.

We started joking that we both need uglier friends. It sounds pretty horrible, but, having so many fucking pretty friends, one's self-esteem eventually begins to deteriorate.

Shit. When the hell did this blog become a self-pity, body image, Oprah moment? Damnit. I just wanted to post pics of nice dresses. Fuck it.


Blogger Alessa said...

Z, I think you would look kick ass in any 80's dress. It's so you! I never told you, but I wore a dress from the 80's to a school dance. It was like this shiny/glittery purple number. I loved it. And I looked hilarious, but in the best way. I got it from a goodwill type store back home. I would love to wear dresses from the 50's. The 20's and the 50's-early 60's are my favorite fashion periods. Although lately I really think I need one of those housewife dresses. I feel like June Cleaver in my new house. And I understand what it is like to be "one of the guys" every guy I liked in high school said that they would never date me because it would be like dating their sister... Also, everyone told me I looked like a boy... Short hair has it's down sides. Your mom sounds like my gma... very similar, only my gma is wasted 99% of the time... I would date you! YOu have a kick ass sense of humor and style. Just know that.

June 15, 2009 at 8:49 PM  
Blogger Bryan said...

Zaida! you shouldn't think you're fat. all the girls in your dance class are probably anorexic. and who cares what your mom thinks? if you want to wear your hair down, do it. if you want to wear a shiny top with freakin' glitter and sequins that shows half your boobies to the world, well then you do it! haha. i totally understand what you mean though, about criticism and body issues. my dad has been calling me fat all my life. on sunday at my graduation party, he was there for ten minutes, and he complained about me not visiting and said that my shirt was too small. you know my least favorite phrase? "filling out".
you are pretty and you definitely have had guys interested! (remember sunderland?hahahahah) you probably just don't know that they've been interested. but you shouldn't think you're fat. and if you want to wear a dress, you wear a dress! i think my favorites are the second one and the fifth one :)

June 16, 2009 at 2:51 AM  

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