I'm just a jealous little bitch

I am. Unfortunately.

Especially with everything that's been going on this semester. I get royally annoyed when people say "FML" and shit like that, because they honestly have nothing to bitch about.
-"Stupid people and stupid drama! Ugh, FML!"
-"I fucking hate economics! FML!"
-"I haven't even started on my portfolio yet. God. FML!"
Anything like that is just bullshit. These assholes don't have real problems in their lives. And okay, so most of these people saying FML are stupid teenagers that want everyone to assume that their lives are so stressful and blahblahblah. And they may not even mean it. But it's just like people who say "that's so gay" when they really mean "that's so stupid" or something like that. I honestly can't stand those people.

But moving on...I realized today after reading my friends blog about how she found this cool guy at her school that likes her, and they were hanging out together a lot, then they started making out, and now they're gonna be boyfriend/girlfriend, a little light bulb went off in my head. I am so jealous of so many people. Especially about relationships and boyfriends and all that jazz. Because I've never had one. No guy has ever been interested in me. No guy has ever flirted, hit on, or eyed me up. And when every single one of my girl friends has had a boyfriend or at least had a guy that was interested in her and flirted and shit, it's really discouraging for me. And it makes me a jealous little jackass.

I know that my friends are trying to be my friends and say nice shit like, "Oh, don't worry Zaida. You'll find someone eventually, it just takes time." Or "You totally don't need a guy, Zaida." Even "Well you know what? It's their loss if they don't see how awesome you are and what they're missing out on." But when you've been in my position long enough, all those lines seem like bullshit and you wanna take them and shove them down your friends' neck. :) I'm such a pleasant person, aren't I?

I guess I really do have self-esteem issues. We all do, but I have more than I let myself believe. I suppose I must be really good at acting because I've always come off as such a confident person and all that. That's what my friends say, but I'm pretty good at hiding it. Go me? I guess. I honestly don't like feeling this way, at least about the being jealous thing. Jealous is such a low behavior, really. All my ancestors are probably looking down on me right now and shaking their heads.

BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM IF I WAS A FIERCE, NATIVE GODDESS WITH FLOWING `EHU HAIR DOWN MY BACK WITH BEAUTIFUL BROWN EYES AND A CURVY BUT STRONG FIGURE THAT WOULD HAVE ALL THE GUYS FLOCK TOWARD ME!!!