Taking things a day at a time

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

One year ago today...

Sumner died.

I don't even know where to begin.

I've been staring at this stupid, extremely white screen for over twenty minutes, not knowing what to type. Fuck. I kinda feel like a jackass, wanting to post a blog online about my dead friend and how much I miss him and how it's unreal to think it's been a year since he died. I mean, normally you don't grieve online for the entire world to read, you know? But. But I can't talk to my family about it, and it seems just writing nonsense on the internet is the perfect way for me to get all this shit off my chest. No one has to read it, but at least i know I said it.

For the past couple of weeks I've been thinking about Sumner a lot, knowing that his anniversary was coming up. I've been going to his Facebook page a lot, just reading what people have been writing. His family's going to shut down his page on Friday, his birthday. God, I can't help but think about his mom and dad, and how they must have been feeling. and his sister. I swear she and Sumner could've passed as twins. Last year at his service Linfield had, I made this for Sumner.

He had a display board that had lots of pictures of him, and I asked if I could put this up on the board. And they did. Then when I got to the service, I met his family, and his mom asked me if she could keep it. I'm glad they took it with them home to California.

I wrote several poems for him. I posted one on fictionpress.com just today. It's called Untitled because I honestly can't think of anything to call it. I just wrote it, not really sure what the final product was gonna be. It's kinda long, that's why I didn't post it here.

Yes, I am in deed sticking my middle finger at him. Only because I told him not to point at me in the picture! But of course he didn't listen. So very Sumner of him.

So, I've got a mixture of feelings about Sumner. I miss him as if he was part of my family. Which may be weird since I only knew him for one semester. But he really was one of those people that make you feel as if you've been friends for years. It doesn't help that I'm listening to a playlist of songs I made that reminds me of him. What is it with music, and how it just amps up your emotions?

I wonder what Sumner's doing. Ihen my grandpa died, and there'd be thunder, I'd think that he was up in Heaven or wherever and that he was bowling. And the thunder happened every time he got a strike. I actually still believe that. And Sumner...well, he's probably getting high and listening to rap music. :) Or he's teaching kids...something. Anything. Shit, he would've made a great teacher. And a great dad.

But i'm also so fucking pissed at him. He was so selfish. the next time I see him I might just punch him in the face. Then give him the biggest, tightest hug I've ever given and break down into tears and cry on his shoulder. Yeah, I'll probably do that.

Fuck. I miss you Sumner.


Blogger Alessa said...

Wow. Ok, so for not knowing what to write... that was actually really moving. A year and half ago, a really good friend of mine died too. He got into an accident involving him crashing head first into a tree with his four-wheeler. He was a really good friend of mine. We were really close. And we both had feelings for each other... like feelings, feelings. I got the call during intermediate acting... it was so painful.

All I mean to say with this is, I think it's great you wrote about Sumner. I think it helps the rest of us... who understand what you are going through. And I am sure, a lot of linfield is feeling the same about Sumner. I know I still feel that way about my friend.

Much love, Z-unit. Stay Gold Pony Boy. :)

Also, what is the sunglasses update?

August 11, 2009 at 7:08 PM  

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