Taking things a day at a time

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Didn't get it

I'm actually really upset about it. When I got the phone call, I was at work, so Roz left me a voicemail. I was literally so excited and anxious to hear it that I had to sneak into the bathroom to listen to it. But, it wasn't good news so...

Roz was pretty nice about telling me I didn't get cast. She was all positive, saying stuff like, "You should be really proud of your audition!" or "I'd be happy to talk to you about your strengths and what you can improve on." I haven't called her back though. I mean...I'm still really bummed about it.

I'm also a little bitter. Because I told my friend Jess about the audition. She had no clue about it and only decided to go because I was. So OF COURSE she got cast as a lead. Of course.

If I could, I would blame this on my superstitious tradition I have about auditioning. Well, maybe not tradition, because I've only done this a few times, not enough or regularly to be classified as "tradition." Anyways, moving on. I usually don't tell people about things that I'm doing. In this case, the audition. For Iso Peanut I literally told 4 or 5 people about it, and those were friends that were also auditioning with me. I usually never let it be known that I'm doing something, mostly because then if I don't get it or if it doesn't go the way I planned, then I won't have to tell those people the outcome.

But for some bizarre reason, this time around, I made it common knowledge with quite a few people that I was going to audition for Once Upon One Time.

Although, that's just me being superstitious with myself. In actuality my audition just sucked and I wasn't good enough.

Makes me really think if I'm able to be cast by someone other than a teacher. I mean, at Linfield, duh, that was all by professors. I was never there for a guest director, so I only had to deal with Janet and Ty. And in high school, I got cast in Fuj's shows. AND he was the director of Iso Peanut, so...I'm just really second guessing myself. The Once audition was my first audition for a director that I didn't know. So I can't help but think about my ability of being cast when I don't have some kind of previous connection with the director.

ERGH. Self-loathing time is really obnoxious, but very hard to make go away.

Song of the day: "We Belong Together" by Gavin DeGraw

3 Comments:

Blogger Chloe' said...

Hey now... I know it's hard, but don't beat yourself up. You go into that audition, and you show them who you are, and if it just do happens that the director doesn't see his vision in you, it has NOTHING to do with acting skill. Seriously- I read ridiculous amounts of books that were written by directors, and books on how to cast and stuff (Directing is my favorite part of theater) and the thing that always surprised me was that directors almost always said usually they didn't cast the most talented actors. It's all about that directors particular vision for that particular play, that particular time they're directing it.

I'll openly admit that I haven't ever seen you in a lead part- but I saw you in Mancha- and just that single scene where you were drug away TO THIS DAY I remember with perfect clarity the look in your eyes. I know that you are one hell of an actress. Don't EVER doubt that, okay?

Also- If you weren't proud of your audition, and some things threw you off, well... you know that that isn't an accurate reflection of your skill. It happens- and it sucks like hell. Talk to the director and see if they had the same perspective on how you did, you might be surprised- maybe they'll tell you something new that could really help you with future auditions!

May 7, 2010 at 12:50 AM  
Blogger Alessa said...

I wish I could say something that would make you feel better, but I know (because I have been there MULTIPLE times) that there isn't anything I can say right now to make it better. But, I am going to say, whether it helps or not, that I am proud of you. You did something not many people could do. You put yourself out there and auditioned. And you did it in a more professional setting. You didn't just audition for a school play. You did something that, so far, no one else in this particular blog group has really done (Although I think Jamika did when she was younger - commercials and stuff). But, as Janet says "Auditioning is the least fair part of theatre & theatre is the least fair part of life". I once heard that for every 10 shows you audition for you only get cast once. Also, it probably has NOTHING to do with you. It has EVERYTHING to do with the parts. Maybe they just weren't you. I talked to Janet after Comedy auditions and asked why she never cast me in a part and she said that it's because there hasn't been a single role she could imagine me playing as well as someone else. And that sounds harsh but it's true. Those parts weren't right for me. You will find a part that's right for you and you will kick ass. I know.

Zaida, you are extremely talented, but way too hard on yourself. Again, I know. I am the same way. I beat the shit out of myself after auditioning and not getting a part. But not getting a part is really no accurate measurement of your skill. When you find your role, you will rock and EVERYONE will see that.

I know what I have said probably doesn't take away how you are feeling, but I hope it shows you that you have some many people that think you are crazy talented and have also felt the same thing you have. In fact, Chloe, Steven, Jamika, and I have all felt the same. If anything, that should make you feel better... as Michael Jackson once said "You are not alone, I am here with you"

So, Miss Zaida. I miss you and I hope you feel better. I hope what I have said makes you feel better and not worse. And know that I am so very proud of you and admire what you have done.

May 7, 2010 at 5:36 PM  
Blogger Alessa said...

P.S. Sorry that comment was crazy long. I just miss you and hate that you are upset. :(

May 7, 2010 at 5:37 PM  

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