I need color in my life

Yes, I do need to regain my tanned skin color I lost while going to Linfield. Seriously, it's ridiculous; some of my friends from high school that were so much more white than me are now way darker than I am! And that's not right. To solve this problem would be going to the beach - which is something I haven't done in a few weeks.

However, the reason why I'm posting this isn't because of my lack of native skin color. I'm talking about my wardrobe.

It's kinda funny how when I think about getting or doing something, that thing pops up everywhere! Like when I got my bangs cut junior year, in two weeks, 3 of my other friends cut their bangs as well. Or when I was searching for my purple Converse, I kept seeing people wearing Converse wherever I went. So about 2 months ago I really noticed - actually looked through and counted - exactly how many black shirts I own. When I came home, I got rid of the clothes I didn't wear anymore or didn't fit, so now I have 17 shirts that I still cycle through and wear. Out of that 17, 11 are black.

I need to change that.

After reading B-ry's blog about adding color to your outfit, it only fueled my online search for clothes. I didn't really have an intent of buying anything, but just getting ideas of what places I could look at for stuff I can afford and for styles I liked. To be honest, I think I've always liked clothes, just not in the same sense that most girls like clothes, you know? When the image of girls going shopping comes up, you picture them shopping for cute tops, dresses, heels, short shorts, Coach bags, D&G sunglasses, and jewelry. If I were to spend a day shopping, I'd be on the lookout for Converse, hoodies, band tshirts, vintage baseball tees, messenger/hobo bags, 80's Rayban Wayfarer sunglasses, and bermuda shorts. I'm not sure what my "style" would be considered? Skater? Alternative? Retro?

Well, whatever it is, yesterday I found some of these collages on Polyvore.com. These are the kinds of clothes/styles I like:





I don't think I can pull off such a colorful ensemble as this one above, but the colors are pretty spectacular. Now, the top 3 really don't have much color to them, but those are the styles I like.

I also hate to admit this, but I like the characters that Selena Gomez plays in her movies; specifically Another Cinderella Story and Princess Protection Program. I'm assuming it's the same on Wizards of Waverly Place, since I watched one episode. Her characters all have the same kind of clothes and style, I've noticed that, but that's the kind that I like. The kind that goes with my own personality.

Since clothes cost money, this is something I need to work up to. But I can get things, little by little. I suppose this is a work in progress. I'm starting with a style board. I bought this cool bulletin board that's green with polka dots on it and I'll use it to put pictures of what clothes and styles I like. Along with accessories, because I love accessories; sunglasses, rings, earrings, headbands. I've really been into headbands recently. So hopefully I can get on this "wardrobe reinvention" thing. The hardest part is not being able to go out and buy stuff right now. But I think I've got decent self-retrain.

Where were you when...

...Michael Jackson died?

That is gonna be one of those questions that people will ask later down in life, years later, thinking back on that tragic day.

After Michael, Ed McMahon, and Farah Fawcett's deaths, it got me thinking of those events that everybody remember. You know, like Pearl Harbor, or the assassination of JFK? I remember my mom and dad both told me how old they were and what they were doing when they heard the news about JFK.

In my short life so far, I can think of a few of those instances that I'll remember and be able to tell people about:
-September 11, 2001
-Heath Ledger's death after the completion of Dark Knight
-New Year's Eve 1999
-Obama elected as the first black President of the U.S.
-Christopher "Superman" Reeves passing
-The ending of the lawsuit against Kamehameha Schools and the Bishop Estates, challenging the admissions policy up at the 9th Circuit Court in D.C.

I wonder how many of these "events" I'll be able to talk about when I'm older.

And since I'm kinda on the topic, I found out that the (now formerly) oldest man passed away on my birthday last week. Tomoji Tanabe died on June 19, 2009 at the age of 113 years and 274 days. Incredible, huh?

Fuck! The wallet's gone.

I thought about it, and decided that I would work towards buying the PURPLE wallet with the polka dots. I took into consideration that I would probably be happier with it in the long-term sense. Even though it was more expensive, I would've used it longer and appreciated the color and style and the space it had.

THEN. Oh, but then. I went to Zumiez.com just to see the wallets, and they fucking took off the purple one from the site!! It's gone, completely gone. And the shitty thing is that I spent an hour looking online, checking all kinds of skate sites and random websites that sell Volcom merchandise, and NO ONE has that wallet! Absolutely nothing. I'm really annoyed.

It doesn't make sense. Because it's part of the new Summer '09 collection that Volcom just came out with in May. Soooo, there really shouldn't be a reason that it's nowhere to be found online. I'm kinda confused and authentically pissed off.

ANYWAYS. I have work in 2 hours. It's kinda strange because I'm only working 8 hours this whole week, within a two day period, 4 hours each day. I haven't been to work in a week. Isn't that weird? But, I don't work weekends at all, so that's why It always seems like I've been away from work for a long time.

Oh, so I found this on facebook. We weren't really friends, more like I knew him through other friends. And because I was a drama junkie I hung out during the intro classes all the time, and kinda got to know him there, but not really. But the point is, I saw this on his page and I thought it was pretty badass. His name is Ryan (and he was pretty cute. Surfer/body boarder/cross country star/painter and artist - so as you could tell, he had a lot of attractive qualities) and he drew this in 10 minutes when he was at dinner with his family.

Isn't is sick?! They went to eat at this Macaroni Grill place, hence the pasta reference.

So to bring things full circle, I seriously hope I can find that purple wallet somewhere. And if I do, I'm buying it on the spot. Mika's kinda an impulse buyer. Her reasoning is that "it may not be there the next time," and in this case, she was right.

I want one of these two wallets!!

This first one would go with my Hurley bag that I've been using for the past few months. It matches it completely. Here's my bag:


And here's the wallet that I want that matches it:

($19.95)
It's got the black/white with yellow accent thing going on. And I like it. A lot. Plus it's kinda checkered, and that's one of my favorite patterns. :)

Here's the other wallet. It's purple, with polka dots. And it's a Volcom wallet, one of my favorite brands (even though I don't own a whole lot of their stuff, because it's expensive. But I still like it.)

($27.95)

Both wallets are from Zumiez.com. I kinda wish the purple one wasn't so expensive, but hell, it's purple, and it's got polka dots. And it's frickin amazing. So is the first one. But...I really don't think I should get either one. I don't think I'm going to get either one. At least not right now.

I actually asked my dad during Christmas if I could get the black/white/yellow one, but we had to push our Christmas back because no one had money or anything. So Christmas was suppose to be in June, but once again it got pushed back to December. So we kinda just didn't have a Christmas for '08, and Mika and I also didn't really have birthday's because money was tight and all that shit.

SO. I missed out on Christmas and my birthday. Which is unfortunate, but such is life. Maybe I'll get one of these wallets. Eventually? Hopefully before they take them off the site and I can't find it anymore...

At 7:13 AM, I turned one year older

It's my birthday today. And I feel all right.

I believe in a lot of things, but I don't really believe that you can feel different overnight when it's your birthday. People would ask, "do you feel older?" or "do you feel different?" And my answer was always no, because really, your birthday is just another day. Nothing about that day is different or has changed. It just happens to be the day that you were born. I'm not gonna feel older within an 8-hour period in which I was just sleeping.

I also think that birthday's get lamer when you get older. Which is kinda backwards, if you think about it, but isn't that the case?

When you're younger, you have family (well, most people do, I didn't) that remembers your birthday and those are the people your parents invite to your party. Or you invite your whole 4th grade class to go mini golf. So there's a lot of people, family and friends, that you have to celebrate your day with. Plus, your parents pay for everything. Always a bonus.

But as you get older, people forget because they've got their own lives and things to do. Your friends also have their own plans and you grow distant from family members. Also, there's the factor that YOU start paying for your own things. If you go to the movies, you're paying for your own ticket and snacks instead of having someone else take care of everything. And honestly, as you get older, money is harder to come by.

So this is one of the reasons why I have the Peter Pan complex. Growing up sucks balls. Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes.

But regardless of how much life may suck and getting older is such a drag, I wanna thank everyone for the birthday wishes. :) Thanks for remembering.

"Swimming through the ashes of another life"

So tomorrow's my birthday. :)

Actually, the smiley face isn't really what I'm feeling about tomorrow. It should be more like this, :/

I guess I'm just disappointed about how my best friend is in California all summer, my group of friends are either working or they already have plans, my other friend planned HER birthday thing on MY birthday - and no, we do not share the same birthdays.

BUT. But. I will be going to the movies tomorrow with some of my drama friends from high school. I think we're gonna see Year One since it opens tomorrow. If not, then I wanna go see The Hangover again. It was frickin hysterical. So, even though I probably won't be going to see Fanny Pak or go cosmic bowling like I wanted to, at least I'll be getting out of the house for a little.

It's lame though, because this year my birthday's on a FRIDAY. Which is practically the best day for a birthday. So that's why I wanted to do something super fun. But, alas, my plans have been foiled.

Why do birthdays get lamer when you get older? It shouldn't be that way. But I guess people forget or don't care. Everything's better when you're a kid.

I would wear dresses...

...if I was around in the 50's or the 80's. Simply because I'm really into the styles of those decades. Also, if I was about 5 sizes smaller, maybe even 7.

50's




80's





Obviously I really like polka dots.

Plus, I also found this dress. It's neither 50's or 80's styled, I just liked it:



But I'm not really the kind of girl to wear dresses. I don't think I really have been, ever. But that's mostly because I wasn't skinny enough to look non-repulsive in dresses. Also, because of my family. Mika is nowhere near girly and hasn't ever been either. And my mom, well, I'm pretty sure there was a point during her youth that she'd wear dresses. But then she became a hoodlum and wore jeans and slippers all the time. I'm not sure what'd she say if I suddenly started dressing more feminine.

I mean, shit. When I wear my hair down, she always goes, "Don't you get hot with your hair down? You should just put it in a ponytail." And I always think that's her subtle way of saying she doesn't like it when I wear my hair down and it's too girly for her. Or something like that. It sounds pretty silly that I care what my mom thinks of me. But if you knew her, you'd understand.

I just feel like she's criticizing me a lot of the time. Not all the time, but a good chunk of the time. Especially when I'm going out with friends and I decide to wear some makeup or something. And I don't just wanna wear a regular tshirt that I ALWAYS wear, but instead wear a nice top or something.

So, obviously I have self-image issues. Who doesn't, right? But damn, it'd be less frustrating if I wasn't fat. And yeah, I just said it. FAT. Because technically, according to height and weight charts, I am. And although those charts are kinda bogus, what else should I go by? How I feel? If I'm happy with my body and the way I am? Well, I'm not. I haven't been since elementary school. I can't help it if I'm genetically built this way, unfortunately.

My friend Tiana and I are both big, compared to all our other friends in dance. I mean, come on, they're dancers. So we always feel out of place when we're with them. And to be honest, I never really notice or even pay attention to how I look and the way clothes fit on me unless I'm with those dance friends. But Tiana and I are also the only 2 that has never had a boyfriend, or even had someone interested in us, in a way other than being "one of the guys." Or some other bullshit like that. We're what I like to call the "butt monkeys" of our group of friends.

We started joking that we both need uglier friends. It sounds pretty horrible, but, having so many fucking pretty friends, one's self-esteem eventually begins to deteriorate.

Shit. When the hell did this blog become a self-pity, body image, Oprah moment? Damnit. I just wanted to post pics of nice dresses. Fuck it.

I kinda really wanna see V Factory

At our 50th State Fair that happens every summer, they get performing artists and bands to come and perform at the carnival. I remember a couple years back there was Lloyd, Omarion, and I think Raven came one summer.

Well, tonight V Factory is gonna perform at the carnival. And I'm kinda annoyed I didn't find out about this earlier.

I was actually looking at the website to make sure that Fanny Pak (from America's Best Dance Crew) was gonna be here on my birthday, the 19th. And they are, so I think I'm gonna go that night. BUT THEN. Oh, but then. I happened to see under the Free Events section that V Factory would be performing at 7:30 TONIGHT! Ergh.

Okay, so V Factory is a boyband. I admit, I still listen to boyband music. Because, shit, their songs are so catchy. PLUS one of the guys is Asher Book. He was in this tv-movie Pop Rocks, where his dad was secretly a rockstar. AND he's gonna be in the new Fame movie coming out later this year. :) Asher's the one in the middle.



Just download and listen to their song "Love Struck" and you will totally get hooked. I promise.

He goes by Joe.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is fantastic.





And yeah, he's 28. One of the only celebrities in that age bracket that I admire and adore. He's fucking amazing. Just needed to share this.

☮ & ♥

What's a ho?

I would've given Ken the points for his answer.



Classic. :)

Oh, Jesse McCartney :)

He just did an interview with OK! Magazine and since I subscribe to his youtube page, I got notified that the video was up.



Starting from 3:30 till 3:43, that's a funny/cute little part. Oh, Jesse. You're so adorable.

JAMIKA make sure you watch it 4:43. He talks about "You're A Jerk" and the dance that goes with the song. I think I love him more now that he likes that song. Ahahaha. :)

Oh, and here's another video that mentions Jesse. It's actually this kid in Hilo on Big Island that does all these videos. This is his video on the whole Chris Brown/Rhianna thing that went down. He uses lyrics from their songs throughout thew whole video. It's super funny, especially when he mentions Jesse.



This kid also did his own Potter Puppet Pals version. It's super funny. Look under the related videos or go to his channel page to find it. It's wayyyy hilarical. Yes, I wrote hilarical, a mixture of "hilarious" and "hysterical." Duh.

The downside to having this job...

I'm standing all the time.

I don't get to sit at all, not even when I go on my breaks; not that I had any breaks during my first two days of work. We're suppose to get only a 30 minute break during our shifts, but I didn't get any yesterday or Wednesday. Not sure why. But I literally am on my feet the entire time. I had no idea it was gonna be like that at all.

What's lame is that there is a lot of "down time." You're either making the cookies and waiting for it while to bake or helping the customers. Unfortunately, there isn't a constant flow of the customers, so a lot of the time was spent standing around, trying to look busy and not collapse because my feet ached.

The only real time that the cookies get made is in the morning. So next week when I have mid-morning and afternoon shifts, I'm not sure what I'll be doing. There are times that there's a rush of customers all at once, but that only happens a few times. I really wish that we had stools to sit down on in the back.

And we don't even have a "break room" or anything like that. We have a small 7' x 7' room where all the paper goods are kept and where we put our bags. But we don't have an official break room. So if/when I actually go on my break, I have to take my break standing up. HOW RETARDED IS THAT?! That's just bizarre, right? Or is it just me?

Fuck. I need to get new shoes as well. I can't wear my Converse because there is no support in those Converse at all. And if I'll be standing for almost 8 hours straight, I'm gonna need better shoes.

I'm kinda nervous (again) about next week. I won't be working during any of the same shifts as the two other new girls. So I'll be the only trainee and that kinda makes me sad and worry a bit. But only a little.

Well. I guess I'm no longer a workforce virgin, as one of my friends said. I actually have a real job now. It's strange.

I'M FINALLY EMPLOYED!!

HOLY FUCK IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!!

Goddamn.

I'm actually real nervous about it, to be honest. I've never had a real job before. I had a couple TA things in high school, but that wasn't really anything. And with my job on the Publicity Crew at Linfield...well, I don't really consider that a "job" you know? I didn't really learn any kind of skills that regular jobs require.

I admit that I found out the job opening on craigslist. Yes, I'm admitting to that. But fuck it. I don't care where I hear about a job from, as long as I hear about a job, I apply, and I hopefully get interviewed and hired.

The one downside about this job is that it's at Pearlridge, which is pretty much the only shopping center/mall in a 20 mile radius of Pearl City. So that means there is ALWAYS a shitload of kids at the mall. And I fucking hate kids. :/ It's also on the same side of the mall that the movie theatres is at, so there'll be even more kids around. But I'll deal.

Oh, yeah. I guess I should mention where exactly I'm working. I got hired at Cookie Corner, which is a local cookie place. They've got reallyyyyy good cookies there. And I'm glad that when I go home I'll smell like cookies and not french fries and oil.

What I'm most nervous about is handling a register. I get super paranoid when I think about being in charge of money and making sure that I get the right amount and that I give the customer the right amount of change back. Money in general makes me nervous. I don't even like carrying a lot of cash on my at any given time. Paranoid. I get very paranoid.

Hopefully I don't suck at his job. I'm kinda worrying about how stressed and nervous I'll be when I first start working. I'd hate to mess up and do something wrong or stupid. I know that I don't give myself any slack, so I really have to do well. I go in on Wednesday for the paperwork and stuff. Not sure if I'll be training that same day too or not. The manager didn't say when she called.

Tomorrow I should go to Ross and try to find black pants and a red shirt. And hopefully I can wear my black Converse to work, if not, then I'll have to buy regular, boring black shoes. That would be lame.

Damn. I've got a job. :) I think I'll take a picture of myself on my first day of work. Kinda like my first day of school. Haha.