Taking things a day at a time

Friday, July 31, 2009

No time to write this week. Fuck the what.

I honestly haven't written more than a page and a half since Monday. Which frickin pisses me off!

You see, Monday my computer was kinda being a douche, and I had to shut it off almost every two hours or so because it would freeze up. So I didn't want to start writing and getting into the story only to have to keep shutting down my laptop all the time. Then on Tuesday I had work. Wednesday I was out all day with Chelsea, Kelsey, and Reed (Chelsea's boyfriend from WA). And yesterday I had work as well. The time spent before work was trying to get my vcr to record the X Games, which failed. Fuck.

SO today's the first day in a long time that I have time to write. Well, in between watching the X Games, of course.

Did I mention that the X GAMES are going on RIGHT NOW!!! THIS WEEKEND!!! I'm so stoked. I'd be even more stoked if I was actually there, in L.A. but whatev. I'm a little irritated though. Yesterday when I had work I set the vcr to tape the 3 hours of the X Games, and it was going when I left. But then my mom stopped the fucking tape because she said that the speed of how fast it would tape was wrong. And then they didn't start taping it again, so I have a total of 55 minutes taped, out of 3 hours. Not a single competition completed for me to find out who won in those 55 minutes. So I have to watch the highlights show today in an hour to find out what happened yesterday.

Unfortunately, I'll also be missing most of the X Games for the rest of the weekend. Tomorrow I'm hanging out with dad, and Sunday I'm gonna hang out with Amanda since she'll finally be back. Also, I think tomorrow night I'm sleeping over my friend's house since her whole family is going camping so she'll have the house to herself.

So Wednesday we hung out with Reed. His family is originally from Olympia, WA, and they're vacationing on Maui. So he flew out here for the day and we got to meet him. Then he and Chelsea flew back to Maui to spend the week there with his family and stuff. He's an all right dude, very intelligent, which makes sense if you knew my friend Cheslea. :P And that day I finally went to BC Burrito, which is where Chelsea has been working for a couple years. It's just all the way away from where I live, so I never made it out there before. And I think that's where she has a co-worker that thought I was cute? Not sure, didn't wanna ask that day.

Oh. Today I got a letter from Kailey, and when I saw it I thought, "Damn, she writes back super fast!" Because I sent her a letter on Monday of this week. Then I looked at the date and she sent the letter on Monday too! So we sent letters to each other on the same day. I think that's kinda funny. And cosmic. :)

Yesterday at work, my co-worker kinda had a breakdown. TC was there talking with me, and I noticed that Ka`ena was somewhere in the back for a real long time. Then there was a line of customers so TC left so I could help them. Then when I went back to the trays to make the cookies, Ka`ena is there and I look at her and she's bawling. Apparently her boyfriend (of 2 years) broke up with her right then. Which is super shitty because she was at work, she just started her shift not even 15 minutes before that happened. So that was just awkward. How do I handle this, that's what I was thinking. Because I mean, we're not really "friends" but we've worked together a lot and stuff like that. It was a little weird at first, but eventually it got better.

Also, I wanted to ask you guys something. How long would you put up with a friend that is making all the wrong decisions and seems to be very oblivious to the situation and how it's ruining her, as well as our friendship? Okay, so here's the situation. And if you don't give a flying fuck then you can skip this. My friend Kelsey and I have a mutal friend, Ua. Ua has gone through some troubles and she was seeing a therapist. However, instead of talking about her problems with her family or school, she just talked about this guy, Jason. She'd been crushing on Jason for FIVE years, and they eventually started dating, but then things didn't work out, blah blah blah. So when she "resolved" her issues with Jason, her therapist thought she was all okay. Which was not the case.

Then Ua meets this guy Dave at UH. Dave is from NJ and was planning on coming back to UH for his final year and when he'd come back in the fall, they were going to be "official." Then plans changed over the summer and he didn't get housing at UH so he has no place to live. So for about two months he's been telling Ua that he's coming back, then he's not, then he's coming back, but oh no, he's not, and so on and so forth. Dave seems to be the only thing she talks about anymore, and it gets really annoying. So Kelsey, being blunt just like me, told Ua what she really thought of the situation with Dave and it pissed Ua off. They haven't talked in almost a week, which is ridiculous because they work together. See, I don't necessarily wanna sit on the sidelines and watch her fuck up her life, put herself out there for that asshole, then when he bails on her and she's left alone, she'll be a total mess like how she was before. But at the same time I feel like the more Kelsey and I listen to her and deal with her, the more pissed off we get because she's being really stupid and we've just had enough. So it's a very frustrating problem to deal with. And it makes my eye twitch when I think about it.

Anyways. Off to watch the X Games. :)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

*snip snip snip* I cut my own bangs

Yesterday, because they were ridiculously long. I think they were at the point where they'd be considered "blayers," a phrase I only heard of a few weeks ago. I was nervous though because I didn't want to fuck it up, but I think they turned out all right. I documented it so you can see my progression:

this is how long they were. the last time i cut them was in January.

first cut.

side view of first cut.

cut #2. wouldn't it be funny if i left it at that length and had my bangs in my face all the time. ha!

side view of cut #2.

and the final product. :) it looks all right, i think.


Although, like every single time I get my bangs cut, my hair does this weird sticking-out thing, where chunks of hair curl away from my head. So in the pictures it's swept towards the left, but I think I have to wear it swept to the right for a while, only because of that hair sticking-out thing. Ah well.

Yesterday was also my dad's birthday so I burned him a cd of Green Day's new album. I got all the songs off Limewire so it was like an illegal present. :P

Got work today, in 3 hours. I should eat breakfast even though it's already 11:00.

OH!! I uploaded CHAPTER TWO to my story. So here's the link again if you need it. STORY!

And I'm kinda slowly getting over how TC was a douche bag to me and uninvited me to his birthday shindig over the weekend. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read the previous post, that's where I talked about it. See, that's why anger is a much better emotion than depression: anger goes away with time, depression lingers and sometimes just gets worse. Or at least that's the way I look at it. And that's why I choose to be angry a lot. Haha, no not really, I'm just a naturally angry person.

Ahhh, it FINALLY rained this morning. It rained so much I got cold and had to cover myself with my blanket. Hopefully it'll be cooler for the rest of the week, and the since the trade winds have been back it's been more tolerable to be in the house. Although I did sit in the garage again yesterday.

Mika and I watched the movie "Son of Ranbow" that came out a few years ago, I think. Anyways, it's pretty damn funny for a kids movie. It's set in England though, which threw me off at first. But it's a good movie if you wanna laugh and just enjoy 2 hours of movie-time. Although there was this one French kid that a) confused the shit out of me and b) pissed me the fuck off! I might just be bias because French things, in general, annoy me. (Sorry Bryan).

Saturday, July 25, 2009


DUDE. One year, ONE YEAR! I will have enough money to fly to San Diego and go to Comic Con and have the experience of a lifetime!!

Watching on TV doesn't really do it justice.

And the panel that the actors from Twilight had was very amusing. Only because Kristen Stewart, like always, looked like she was completely stoned. She probably was, which might just be a constant state of being for her. Rob Pattinson looked like a druggie, too, but not as bad as Kristen. Maybe he just needs more sun or to eat more or get nutrients in him? Something. But Taylor Lautner (who plays Jacob) was very functional and seemed to be in perfect health. I really like that kid, and he's good as Jacob. But I was fucking pissed when they cut his role SO MUCH in the movie.

Also, thanks for reading my story. :) I'm kinda in the phase where all I want to do is write and write and write some more. Sometimes I just wanna write the good/fun/interesting parts of the story that I already have planned out in my head, skipping the things in between. I don't think I've actually ever done that before, though. But I have gone back and rewrote parts of the story and stuff like that. I try to just write through the story chronologically, because I think if I bounce around I'll be thrown off my groove and the flow will be messed up.

Ice Age 3 was pretty funny. I'm glad we waited a few weeks to go see it, because I really don't like going to kids movies when it just came out. Because it'll be so crowded with little children. Meh. But the movie was funny and I liked it.

All right, so I wrote this on my xanga, but I feel like I need to write about it again. Because it's still bugging me. I feel like I'm the butt-monkey of some of my groups of friends.

I bring this up because it's TC's birthday shindig this weekend. And I thought that I was going. but I'm not, not anymore. Apparently I was the last one that he had asked, about a month ago or something. Then he found out the car situation and how much space there would be in the car driving down to Waikiki. I guess there wasn't a lot of room to fit everyone, so since I was the last one he had asked, I'm the lucky one that isn't there at his hotel sleepover party.

He didn't so much put it in a dick way, saying that "There isn't room for you in the car. You can't come." But he said it in a nicer way, of course. Something along the lines of, "Well, we really wanted to only take one car, Ginger's. But right now, there's too many people so Misty might have to take her car, but she doesn't want to. But I mean, you can probably squeeze into the back of Ginger's van where all our stuff is going to be."

So maybe it wasn't said in a dick way, but a jackass way? I don't know. But the point of the matter is that he uninvited me after a month of expecting to go and celebrate his birthday with him. I'm kinda really pissed about this. But I mean, it's TC and I won't stay mad at him forever. but it's just...lame, that I got the boot on this one.

And this happened before with a different group of friends where I didn't get to go along with them because I'm the expendable one in the group.

Man. sometimes people just suck balls.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Living The HI Life

Get it? :) Living the "HI" Life? 808 state babyyyy!

Well, it's the title I came up with for the story that I'm writing. As of now, I've got 24 pages and I just started on chapter 4. So I guess each chapter so far is roughly 7 pages, which is short, I think. But I may go back and extend some parts and add things in.

SO. I'd really like it if you guys read it and tell me what you think! I posted it on fictionpress.com. And here's the link to my page. It should be the first story on the list, the most updated one (because I just uploaded it today).

The first chapter is definitely slow, like most first chapters of stories. I had to set everything up, so it doesn't really get interesting until the following chapters. But hopefully it doesn't completely bore you guys. I hope not.


On another note...it is so MOTHERFUCKING HOT! I think we're gonna get some pretty heavy rain later on today or tomorrow. Because the heat clouds are fucking everywhere, and it's trapping in the humidity and heat. And I fucking wanna sit in the ice machine at work! Damn.

Speaking of work, I have to leave in an hour and a half. I keep working with Nathan, which I didn't mind at first. But then he started rapping my ipod all the time! That's all he does, he looks through my ipod and switches it to songs he likes when I put it on a playlist for a reason. To PLAY the LIST of songs and LISTEN to them. Idiot.

I guess I must be really bored and have a lot of time on my hands, because no one has posted any new blogs in a looong time. :( So I have no idea what you guys have been up to. Lame.

Monday, July 20, 2009

They walked right by me. And said nothing.

So on Saturday I went to see Harry Potter 6 and after, like always, my dad, Mika and I would sit outside the foodcourt until my mom came to get us. When she got there my dad went to talk to her about the money shit, so Mika and I stayed by the tables because I didn't wanna have to hear all their bickering.

While we were waiting, I saw two of the '06 drama kids I knew from high school. One was Shane, who I didn't really know all that much. Aside from catching the school bus with him, and him being Pume's boyfriend so he was always in the drama room, I didn't really know him, and we weren't friends. But J-Lo was with him. And J-Lo and I were definitely friends.

J-Lo was the reason that my once-best friend Pua no longer wanted to be my friend. She liked J-Lo and wanted to go to prom with him (even though she never spoke to him before) but I asked him to go with me. As my friend. Long story short, when I didn't tell him I didn't want to go with him to prom anymore by the request of Pua, she decided she no longer wanted to be my friend, and so we aren't. I lost my best friend over some boy and junior prom. Stupid high school drama if you ask me.

Anyways. I had always thought of J-Lo as my good friend, even though we only knew each other for a year. The last time I saw him was when he came to visit at the end of my senior year and he watched The Breakfast Club that I directed. So on Saturday, when I swear that he looked at me and saw me, I expected him to say hi. They walked into the foodcourt so I assumed on their way out, J-Lo, at least, would stop by and say hi. But he didn't. He didn't even wave to me. He avoided my eye contact completely and just kept walking as if I wasn't even there.

And I know for a fact that we made eye contact and he knew I was sitting there. When he passed me, I felt like I was going to cry. I couldn't believe it, I was so pissed. He didn't even fucking wave to me! God, I always did that with my friends from '06. I thought so much of our friendships, and with most of them, I'd been completely wrong about how close we really were. Fuck. Having him walk right by me hurt me. A lot.


I started writing my story. I got most of the characters down and I'm going slow with this. The only thing is that there isn't a BIG thing in my story. Usually I have something BIG happen in my stories, like an obvious obstacle my character needs to overcome or something like that. But so far, there isn't one for this current story. I don't have a title either, which is odd, because when I start things I at least like to have a tentative title for my piece. Hopefully it'll come to me as I continue.

Any of you guys have an account on fictionpress.com? I'm thinking of posting my story there, I usually put my stories there to get some feedback from other writers/readers. If you don't have an account, I would recommend signing up for one, even if you're not a hardcore writer or anything. It's a good place just to read some original fiction from people.

Also, if you can, read my "`Olelo Hawai`i" blog. I just wanna know what you guys have to say about my Jesse videos I put up. :P

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Can you comment now?

I changed some of my comment settings, even though I didn't really know what the problem was. But apparently Bryan and Alessa couldn't leave comments. Something wrong with the verification word, possibly?

So try now. I took away the verification word. Hopefully it works, because I'd like to know what you guy think about which genre of literature you think I'd write.

Friday, July 17, 2009

`Olelo Hawai`i

It's a little strange to think that I'm gonna be taking Hawaiian this coming semester. I wanted to take it my senior year, but I decided to take the electives I missed out on before. Besides, if I took Hawaiian 1 I would've taken a language each year I was at Kamehameha. I still regret taking French. Ugh, shitty deal. I'm not a language student though, so I predict that this class is gonna be really hard for me. :/

Hopefully now when my friends start speaking in our native tongue, I can understand more than "foreigner", "stupid", "no", "yes", "rain", "flower", and other random words I know. I can't put a single sentence together for you right now. Unless it's already been memorized, like the Lord's Prayer we had to learn. Oh, but I can sing songs for you, no prob. Haha.

Oh, and I do this all the time! I think of a song that I haven't listened to in a while so I tell myself the next time I'm on my laptop to listen to it. Then I completely forget what that song was! This really irritates me a lot. I probably won't remember what song it was. Damnit.

So, if you didn't catch it in my last post, I put up a video of Raven being called on the stage by Ginuwine at his album release party. It's a funny video and you should watch it if you haven't. Since I'm a Jesse McCartney fan, I saw these videos a while ago and they're similar to the Raven one.

This girl is kinda a slut. Or is that just my opinion? The way she's dressed...well at least she's clothed. And just her attitude while on stage makes her come off as a bitch. A slutty bitch.

This little girl though, I LOVE that Jesse picked her out from the audience. It says she's only 10, and she seems so excited. And plus, no offense to her, but she's young and looks kinda dorky, but shit. That doesn't matter. Because for these few moments, she's on stage with Jesse McCartney singing right to her, and you can tell she's having a good time.

And damn! Does she feel him up or what?! :P

I'm sad, Kupono left So You Think You Can Dance last night. That was sad. :( He went to Kamehameha and was in the same dance company that I was in, at different times though. I think he was a '04 grad. I'm a little annoyed at the number of sluts that are left in the top 4 girls. Honestly. But I guess that's what you get when you're talking about dancers. A good reason why I never associated myself with the dancers in high school.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Rory Gilmore hugs SUCK BALLS!

Two summers ago I had nothing to do at all, so I watched all the reruns of Gilmore Girls. And although I had avoided that show for a very long time, I ended up liking it a lot - more so just the first couple seasons, though. But one of several things that authentically would irritate me about the show was Rory's halfass hugs she'd give people. You know those hugs, I'm sure you do. Elbows out, tense shoulders, and the infamous two-tap pat on the back. Fuck those hugs! I hate it when people give me hugs like that; I've coined them "Jessica Cabral Hugs" with Amanda. :P Jessica Cabral used to be our friend and was cool, but then she turned into a bitch and ditched us for the dances sluts, and that is how she hugs us when we see each other. As if it's completely forced to do so, like she's obligated to hug us because we were ONCE friends. What a ho. Anyways, I can't stand it when Rory hugs someone. Is that the character Rory or actually the actress, Alexis Bledel? Whichever one it is, she hugs EVERYONE the same, including family members and boyfriends.

Last summer I got into One Tree Hill and watched it allllll online. This summer, however, I haven't found a show to obsess over and watch in its entirety.

I'm feeling a little better. I don't wanna throw up anymore, which is a bonus. However, my head still hurts and I keep coughing. I hate when I have congestion. Fuck. It just makes my throat more scratchy than it already was. I have work tomorrow but I was trying to find someone to switch shifts with me. If I found someone, I could go to the doctors, but since no one can/wants to work tomorrow, I'm stuck at work, hacking up my lungs and probably infecting the cookies I make. Oh well.

I drank so many cups of water today. I'm on #7 right now, and it's only 5:40 pm. I never drink more than 4 or 5 on a regular basis, mostly because I'm too lazy to get up and get water. :/

I found this video on youtube. I forgot how much I liked Raven, until I randomly came upon some vids of her, then I found THIS one. She shows up after the 2:00 minute mark.

Priceless, right?

I wish my head didn't hurt and I didn't feel dizzy. It makes it hard to stare at the computer screen for long periods of time. Which is shitty because I wanted to get working on my story.

OH!! So, I was thinking while I was at work last night making the bite sized chocolate macademia nut cookies about this question. So tell me what you think: What genre of literature do YOU think I would write? You know, thriller, nonfiction, adventure, young adult? That stuff. Just think about what genre you think I would fit best with as a writer. I'm really interested in what you guys have to say.

Monday, July 13, 2009

"I am barely breathing..."

"...And I can't find the air
Don't know who I'm kidding
Imagining you'll care"

It's been a rough weekend. Rough month. Rough fucking life. -_-

Saturday was no bueno. Mika was sick so we didn't see dad, but instead I got into another fight with my mom, which ended in me crying about being home and having no money and blahblahblah, so I spent almost 4 hours up at the park. Just sitting. And crying some more - mostly because I was right next to my elementary school which brought back happy memories which I now lack. I would've stayed there longer, but I had to use the bathroom, and I was tired. Literally exhausted from crying and all that.

I also think Mika got me sick. I'm pretty sure I had a fever last night and all today I've been wanting to throw up. I know I'd feel better if I did. But I haven't, and my head still hurts and so does my throat. I also have to go to work in 20 minutes for a 7-hour shift. Goodie.

Also, long story short, my mother shut off our internet a few days ago, which is why I've been sorta M.I.A. (*sings-"I fly like paper, get high like planes"-sings*) for almost a week. Ish. But Mika and I gave her our money to get it back today.

However, because I was without the internet for so many days, I got some major reading done! I read 3 books in less than a week, which is pretty spectacular, for me. Also, I'm starting a new story. I really shouldn't, I should just continue the several I've already started, but I'm not gonna. Anyways, I'll hopefully not be completely out of it and sick and tired to write some more later tonight when I get home. But I should start getting ready now to leave.

Monday, July 6, 2009

I've got a golden ticket!!

Actually, no, I don't. BUT I did get my purrrrrple Volcom wallet!! :) It's lovely. I'm really happy. Getting it just made my day.

Today I watched Priscilla Queen of the Desert, and seeing Guy Pearce in extravagant costumes and colorful makeup ALSO made my day. :) While I was watching him in Bedtime Stories, it was really hard not to laugh, because the image of him as a drag queen always popped up in my head. Teehee.

I've got early morning shifts this week. Tomorrow I start at 8:30 and Thursday at 7:30. I should really be going to sleep already (even though it's only 9:40) if I wanna wake up in time. Soooo lame. This week, both days, I work with my manager. I've never worked with her before; she's nice so I'm not all that worried. But I am concerned about the kind of impression I make on her, you know? I have to be extra customer service friendly. But at least she's not a bitch like Cheryl, the district manager. We all fucking hate her. I've only been working a month and I hate her already.

I haven't gotten to the library yet. So there's only a few magazine clippings I put on my style board. But at least when I printed out those 61 photos, some of them were of my and my dance friends I could put up on my dance board. I also printed photos from my last semester at Linfield. I gotta put them in a photo album, although some are going on my wall, most definitely.

Hmm...since I'll be waiting at Pearlridge for 5 hours until I go home tomorrow (and Thursday) I think I'll spend it drinking a vanilla bean frappuccino and writing in my notebook at the Starbucks in Borders. Then I'll have lunch with TC. And return to Starbucks after that. Sounds like a plan.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

"If you build it, he will come."

As much as I am not a Kevin Costner fan, I thoroughly enjoy Field of Dreams. It's a great, inspirational kinda movie, you know? Plus, it revolves around baseball, which I love. So that's a bonus. I'm watching it right now; I haven't seen it in a while. When Ty would play that in the lobby during Bleacher Bums, I never got to stay for a few minutes and watch. I always saw it playing on the screen in passing.

Recent purchases:
+Purple 5-star notebook
+Color pencils
+Purple photo album
+Green with blue and dark green polka dotted bulletin board
+Volcom wallet (still waiting for it!!)
+Sour Icebreakers
+66 photos, printed them at Walmart
+Alpha Dog dvd
+Death To Smoochy dvd
+Pagemaster dvd
+2 packs of stretchy headbands; 12 headbands total

I'm calling these things "unnecessary purchases."

I saw this picture and I kinda laughed. Clever things like this make me giggle. It reminds me of that "Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy" song by Big N Rich. :P Very amusing.

Yesterday for 4th of July my friend Tiana and I just spent the day wandering around, going to 2 different Walmarts, a Kmart, Pearlridge (the mall I work at), Zippy's for lunch, and a gas station. Although we didn't really do much, we had a good time not doing anything in particular. And today we went to see Public Enemies. I enjoyed it. I think most people would if they just ignored all the parts with that chick in it, the love interest, or as I called her, the Lady in Red. And if you forget that it's based on true events; if you just focus on it being a MOVIE and that its goal is to entertain people, then it's a good flick.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

"This the type of song that makes the angels cry"

If you haven't heard it, listen to it. If you haven't seen the video, watch it. It's beautiful.


So if you haven't seen my Facebook status I had a while ago, I FOUND THE PURPLE VOLCOM WALLET!!! And I bought it. Chyeah! Hopefully I'll get it by next week sometime; it's coming all the way from Delaware. Delaware reminds me of that part in Wayne's World, when they have the blue screen behind them with different states (One is Hawai`i!) and they don't know what to say when it comes to Delaware. "Hi...I'm in Delaware (blank stare, shrug, loss of words)." :) Great movie. FULL of amazing quotes.

Buying this wallet is the first step to my reinvention. I haven't been able to print out any of the pictures I had because we don't have any ink, so I gotta wait to go to the library to use the computers there. Hopefully next week I'll get down there. My board is already up in my room though. ...Right next to my Linfield Theatre calendar. :P This month is Crave, specifically a Caleb-only photo. Not so jazzed about this month.

Songs I've been listening to on repeat for the past week playlist:
+"God In Me" - Mary Mary ft. Keke Sheard
+"Garands at Normandie" - The Jakes
+"Black Hand Side" - Queen Latifah
+"Who's Loving You?" - The Jackson 5
+"The Way You Make Me Feel" - Michael Jackson
+"Fire Burning" - Sean Kingston
+"21 Guns" - Green Day
+"Big Poppa" - Biggie Smalls
+"Elaborate Lives" - Aida Original Soundtrack; Adam Pascal and Heather Headley
+"Hey Girl" - Keri Hilson ft. T-Pain
+"They Don't Really Care About Us" - Michael Jackson
+"Beautiful" - Eminem
+"The Special Two" - Missy Higgins
+"Little Toy Gun" - Honeyhoney

Yesterday towards the end of my shift, I was talking with Ka`ena (co-worker). And I was positioned where I was facing out to see all the people pass by. And we were talking shit about our district manager (teehee) when HE walked by. Holy mother.

So the story goes like this: I liked this guy for a total of 4.5 years. All of 8th, 9th, and 10th grade. Junior year I pretty much assumed that we weren't ever gonna be good friends or anything; we ran in different crowds and didn't have any of the same classes since freshman year, so we hadn't talked to each other in years. But then senior year we were in a class together, and all those feelings came back. So 12th grade I liked him again, and for the first semester of college. I honestly thought that I would be over him, because as of now, I haven't seen him since graduation - that's two years ago. Until last night, when he walked by, and I FREAKED out.

He was pretty much the coolest guy in my grade during school. He had all those great qualities: smart, good looking, generous, friendly, athletic, funny, polite, and the list goes on. But what initially hooked me was when he didn't join in with all the other boys in middle school during the "goth" years. A bunch of boys started calling me and my friends "gothic" for no reason, and soon it caught on with more than half our class. But he was the only boy that didn't make fun of me or call me any of those names, not even in a playful joking kind of way that my guy friends did. Plus, he also defended me against one of the asshole boys who was teasing me. I mean, shit, in 8th grade, that's pretty much the way to steal a girls' heart, don't you think? And that's exactly what he did.

Anyways, so fast forward 6 years, and there he was walking by Cookie Corner at around 8:30 PM. When I came back home in December, and I started getting nervous about seeing old classmates at my new college, I often thought about what I would do if I saw him again. We don't go to the same school, but if we were to see each other at the mall or at the movies, I wondered what would we do. How would I react. I have this amazing ability to try and convince myself NOT to have feelings for someone when I blatantly do. So I'd tell myself, "it's not as if you still like him, so if you see him, wave or say hi, as if it was anyone else." But it wouldn't be and it wasn't just anyone else. It was him.

So last night, there was a split second where he was turning his head to look into the store and I thought I would smile or wave to him if and when he did look at me; and yes, he would've looked DIRECTLY at me. But instead, my stomach clenched up and my head dropped so he couldn't see my face. So with that split second, with that reaction of mine, it's kinda obvious that I still like him and I'm embarrassed for him to see me.


What gets me is that it was 2 years since I saw him last. And yeah, we have talked on Facebook and Myspace a few times since then, just randomly catching up with each other, but the last time I actually had a conversation lasting more than 5 mintues with him was back in 9th grade. How can I still have feelings for someone I really haven't been in contact with for so long? I'm so bizarre.